The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism
Book Title: The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism
Author Name: Olivia Fox Cabane
Rating: 5 stars out of 5
Author Name: Olivia Fox Cabane
Rating: 5 stars out of 5
Synopsis:
What if charisma could be taught? For the first time, science and technology have taken charisma apart, figured it out and turned it into an applied science: In controlled laboratory experiments, researchers could raise or lower people's level of charisma as if they were turning a dial. What you'll find here is practical magic: unique knowledge, drawn from a variety of sciences, revealing what charisma really is and how it works. You'll get both the insights and the techniques you need to apply this knowledge. The world will become your lab, and every person you meet, a chance to experiment.The Charisma Myth is a mix of fun stories, sound science, and practical tools. Cabane takes a hard scientific approach to a heretofore mystical topic, covering what charisma actually is, how it is learned, what its side effects are, and how to handle them.
Review:
This book shares what the author believes are the main components of charisma and those are: presence, power, and warmth.
Charisma is not inherited but it's a set of behaviors which anyone can learn.
Charisma is not inherited but it's a set of behaviors which anyone can learn.
We can't directly control our body language, how can we develop charisma?
The solution is to indirectly control our body language by influencing the part of the mind that controls nonverbal signals: the subconscious.
Because our brains cannot differentiate imagination from reality, simply imagining a situation causes your brain to send your body the same instructions as it would if that situation were real.
So, if you create an internal charismatic state, your body language will display charisma authentically. Others will see you as charismatic as a result.
This process is similar to the well-known placebo effect.
A placebo is a simulated medical procedure: people are led to believe they've received a medical intervention when, in fact, they haven't, and this can have a positive effect.
Creating the right internal state is critical to expressing charisma through body language.
Key element of charisma:
1. Presence.
The solution is to indirectly control our body language by influencing the part of the mind that controls nonverbal signals: the subconscious.
Because our brains cannot differentiate imagination from reality, simply imagining a situation causes your brain to send your body the same instructions as it would if that situation were real.
So, if you create an internal charismatic state, your body language will display charisma authentically. Others will see you as charismatic as a result.
This process is similar to the well-known placebo effect.
A placebo is a simulated medical procedure: people are led to believe they've received a medical intervention when, in fact, they haven't, and this can have a positive effect.
Creating the right internal state is critical to expressing charisma through body language.
Key element of charisma:
1. Presence.
2. The combination of power and warmth.
Charisma requires presence, a skill that makes you stand out.
We subconsciously view the combination of power and warmth as extremely positive, so we look for signs of it in others and try to keep as friends those who possess it. (Survival instinct)
the power-warmth is a necessary condition of charisma.
the power-warmth is a necessary condition of charisma.
There are several charisma styles; everyone has to find the right one for themselves.
Four distinct charisma styles:
1.Focus charisma lets people know you're fully present – a good example is Bill Clinton.
2.Visionary charisma inspires people or gets them to believe in something, much like Steve Jobs did.
3.Kindness charisma makes others feel seen and accepted – just look at the Dalai Lama.
4.Authority charisma makes others believe you have the power to change their lives, much like Bill Gates does.
Choosing the right one depends on your personality, your goals and the situation.
Four distinct charisma styles:
1.Focus charisma lets people know you're fully present – a good example is Bill Clinton.
2.Visionary charisma inspires people or gets them to believe in something, much like Steve Jobs did.
3.Kindness charisma makes others feel seen and accepted – just look at the Dalai Lama.
4.Authority charisma makes others believe you have the power to change their lives, much like Bill Gates does.
Choosing the right one depends on your personality, your goals and the situation.
*Being charismatic means making the right first impression:
Make others feel you're similar to them.
Complimenting the other person or asking open-ended questions, and stick to positive subjects.
Make others feel you're similar to them.
Complimenting the other person or asking open-ended questions, and stick to positive subjects.
*Being charismatic means overcoming mental and physical discomfort:
Feeling discomfort, whether physical or mental, can affect your performance and emotions, as well as others' perception of you.
There are three ways to counteract discomfort:
Prevent, recognize, and remedy or explain.
1. Prevent means to ensure your comfort by planning ahead.
2. Recognize relates to being present: the more present you are, the more aware of your body language you will be. If you're at discomfort you would be aware of it & would do something to avoid it.
3. And the more aware you are, the easier it is to remedy or explain the problem. When the sun hit Tom's eyes, he could have paused to ask whether they could move seats, explaining that the sunlight was bothering him.
Apply these three steps to overcome the following obstacles:
dedramatize, destigmatize and neutralize.
Feeling discomfort, whether physical or mental, can affect your performance and emotions, as well as others' perception of you.
There are three ways to counteract discomfort:
Prevent, recognize, and remedy or explain.
1. Prevent means to ensure your comfort by planning ahead.
2. Recognize relates to being present: the more present you are, the more aware of your body language you will be. If you're at discomfort you would be aware of it & would do something to avoid it.
3. And the more aware you are, the easier it is to remedy or explain the problem. When the sun hit Tom's eyes, he could have paused to ask whether they could move seats, explaining that the sunlight was bothering him.
Apply these three steps to overcome the following obstacles:
dedramatize, destigmatize and neutralize.
Dedramatize: What's happening isn't serious, and lots of others are going through it. Dedramatizing can help with an emotion that is damaging to charisma: shame. When you're ashamed, you don't appear charismatic, as your body language isn't projecting power, warmth or presence.
dedramatize by remembering that shame is a normal part of human experience and everyone feels it occasionally.
dedramatize by remembering that shame is a normal part of human experience and everyone feels it occasionally.
Destigmatize and neutralize: Negative thoughts are nothing to feel bad about, and they’re not necessarily real.
It's a part of normal daily life. Remind yourself that your mind isn't always giving you accurate information about reality.
It's a part of normal daily life. Remind yourself that your mind isn't always giving you accurate information about reality.
Everyone can be charismatic; we just need to get into a suitable mindset so we display the right body language, and practice this until it becomes instinctive. There are various charisma styles to choose from, so make sure you select the style that best suits your personality and the situation. Also, don’t worry if you experience mental and physical obstacles while developing charisma; even successful people experience these things. Simply apply the three steps to overcoming these obstacles: dedramatize, destigmatize and neutralize.
Actionable advice:
Visualization:
Imagining yourself physically performing an activity, successfully. Requires you to create a vivid mental image of a triumphant experience in order to experience your feelings at that time.
Rewriting reality:
When experiencing anxiety, try using the “rewriting reality” technique. If you've an important presentation tomorrow and you’re anxious about the outcome, take a moment to imagine and list a few alternative outcomes, ranging from the presentation going smoothly. Describe your way of speaking, what the audience looked like, their reaction to you, and so on. As the list grows, your anxiety should subside.
This exercise enables you to get into a mental state conducive to better performance. The technique can be very effective because of the brain’s tendency to confuse imagination and reality
Overall an interesting read. Highly recommended.
Full Stars
Actionable advice:
Visualization:
Imagining yourself physically performing an activity, successfully. Requires you to create a vivid mental image of a triumphant experience in order to experience your feelings at that time.
Rewriting reality:
When experiencing anxiety, try using the “rewriting reality” technique. If you've an important presentation tomorrow and you’re anxious about the outcome, take a moment to imagine and list a few alternative outcomes, ranging from the presentation going smoothly. Describe your way of speaking, what the audience looked like, their reaction to you, and so on. As the list grows, your anxiety should subside.
This exercise enables you to get into a mental state conducive to better performance. The technique can be very effective because of the brain’s tendency to confuse imagination and reality
Overall an interesting read. Highly recommended.
Full Stars
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